(with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore & Theodor Seuss Geisel aka 'Dr Seuss')
Twas the night before Xmas & all through the land Albertans sighed heavily, strong drinks in our hand It had been a tough year, far too many firings Tax cuts for the rich were supposed to cause hirings!
The children were tossing & turning in bed, Visions of dark futures & wildfires in their head; I slurped the last slurp of my Xmas eve booze, And headed upstairs for a well deserved snooze.
From inside my own home there arose a strange clatter I of course grabbed my gun, fully mad as a hatter There's been lots of break-ins round my place this year Well I'd show those poor bastards the meaning of fear!
I stealthily crept downstairs loaded and locked Whoever'd broke in was about to get rocked! I was wild with joy, the wrong house they had picked! I'd shoot them and no judge would possibly convict!
I saw this dark figure and took careful aim I switched on the light to be sure there's no blame When what to my wondering eyes should appear? But that mythical legend famous this time of year!
Yes, that old Christmas legend that I knew in a pinch, With his red coat, the sack and green fur was the Grinch! "Put 'em up, Grinch" I growled like Clint Eastwood I'd allow him to beg the very best the beast could.
In his eyes where I'd expected to surely see madness I was shocked instead to see overwhelming sadness "Take your best shot" Grinch shrugged, "do me the favour." Grabbed his sack from the ground as if signing a waiver.
Something about him stayed my murd'rous desire, I motioned Grinch to sit in a chair by my fire "Not so fast, Grinch" I said, "I've a question or two. Why go around doing these bad things you do?"
"Why take away tree-lights and presents and toys? How can you despise this world's girls and boys? Why does this Holiday of Love make you Hate? You'd better tell me quickly cuz I don't like to wait!"
Grinch motioned at my whiskey, I nodded assent Poured himself a large glass and then down it went "Holiday of Love?" Grinch finally said, "what a joke. Christmas is just one more thing you people broke."
"If you cared as you claim for the world's girls and boys, You'd take steps for their future but you only make noise. About pipelines, more freeways and your broke status quo There's ten years left at best. How can you not know?"
I had to admit the Grinch's words gave me pause For deep down we all know that we'd broke nature's laws Grinch poured more of my whiskey and didn't even ask Down the hatch that one went & he took me to task.
"How many of those toys will your kids use by next year?
How much to the landfills, have you not one ounce of Fear
That one day they'll' ask you: "Daddy, how could you do it?"
"Known what was coming and still you said 'Screw it'?"
I did have that fear way down deep in my heart The Grinch, having named it, ripped my whole world apart Grinch grabbed my bottle, swigged the rest of it back Stood up from my fire and picked up his big sack.
"And this tree!" he turned wildly, with a demeanour so haunted Could've taken my gun from me then had he wanted, "Should be madly planting but you still cut them down!" One more thoughtless act in every home in this town!"
"And the lights!" he roared angry, grabbed my tree, started walking "Don't move, Grinch!" I yelled but he was still busy talking "In Alberta" he informed me, yet more pain for my soul "You know most of these lights are still powered by coal?"
He pulled my tree down and Grinch headed for my door "Enough Grinch!" I begged him, "don't take one step more!" "Take your best shot" Grinch shrugged and said, "do me the favour" And he took those last steps as if signing a waiver
I sadly took aim, 'cause what else could I do? His words had so hurt me 'cause I knew they were true And last words the Grinch said, my gun trained on his chest? HAVE YOUR FUN NOW, THERE'S TEN YEARS LEFT AT BEST!"
/END
Tuesday December 24th, 2019
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